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Monday, February 21st, 2005

Time:1:34 pm.
Mood: busy.
It's a new generation of my livejournal!

kt2e

Click it now! I won't be updating the falllingstar42 account anymore. Only kt2e. :)
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, February 14th, 2005

Time:10:52 pm.
Mood: disappointed.
I miss high school.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, February 9th, 2005

Time:12:14 pm.
Mood: pissed off.
Today was a bad day before I even woke up.

My life sucks right now. Coincidentally, last night I was convincing a friend that his life didn't suck and to look at all the good things he has. I know I have good things in my life. But right now, like he said, there's a lot of bad things in my life right now, too. And they're what's bothering me.
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Thursday, February 3rd, 2005

Time:1:35 pm.
Mood: disappointed.
People really are just stupid.

I wrote an entire 2 pages in my Small Business Magagement class about shit that I couldn't say in here. And I was practically in tears by the time I was finished writing it. Fact is, I could have written more.

It's just...my life. And college. And growing up. And everything. It's just so much sometimes, you know? You finally get to college, after going through the younger years of your life watching these sitcoms about dorm life and what not, and you're finally experience it. And you realize, well, at least I realize, that it's exactly like that. There are awesome times, you meet your best friends, you party, you drink, you do shit you never thought you'd do. Then there's the part where people are assholes. There's backstabbers, there's broken hearts, there's regret. And a lot of my college life has consisted of all of those. Most recently of the last three. I never thought I'd be where I am now. I always thought that I would be at home for the rest of my life, living life as I always have with my family and friends that I've always have had my entire life. But now I'm here, and I have a family here. Of course, not to compare to my family at home, but my family here are my friends. We'd do anything for eachother and we're not afraid to admit it. We've been through everything in the short 2 years that we've lived together. And I know we're going to be friends after we leave. Leaving is the one thing I'm dreading.

I don't want to sounds like I'm trying to pity myself, but I know that my life right now is going a bit rough. And I didn't think that I did anything to deserve it. It's just the way that things and people work. It's usually against me. That's just the way it is. I can make people happy, I can bring peple together and make them happy together. But when's it my turn? I don't want too much. I'm sorry, I'm an attention whore. And I wish that my life could lead me to where I want to to lead me. But I usually don't get what I want. I can get everyone else what they want, but it can't go for me. I guess that's just the way it's supposed to be. I think I was cursed at love. Honestly. It's scary how nothing in the relationship department of my life goes anywhere even remotely close to right. You think you have something good and decent, but it just goes to show you just how naieve and stupid you are. Never expect anything good for yourself is what I've learned. Maybe that's my fault. Maybe I just have too big of an imagination. Or my mind makes up these unbeleiveable fantasies that I only wish would happen.

I wish I could just crawl up in my bed and just not wake up for a very long time some days.
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Sunday, January 30th, 2005

Time:11:44 pm.
Mood: nauseated.
So.

Not much to say right now. We won states. And you all know how I feel about that. We get cool new jackets, so I guess that's cool. But...I don't want to talk about this right now.

So, I've been trying to get my hands on a fake id. Anyone know where I might be able to get me one of them? It would be much appreciated. :)

Hrm. Anyway.

All these pictures that are up are freaking great.

So a bunch of people are coming up to see me on Saturday, which I'm psyched about. Cause that's awesome and we're probably going to get wasted and go to Deuce and the like. And it's going to be a lot of fun the end.

So...this morning I woke up with a bowl in my pocket. I'm sure you're as surpried as I was. Or maybe not. But either way.

This is a really random entry. Cause I really have nothing to talk about right now. But...yeah. I was home today. And that was good. I made dinner and it was freaking awesome. I made the best mashed potatoes in the world, because I freaking rock the socks. As you all might know.

Men are the freaking scum of the earth. It doesn't really matter who you are or what they're like. They always screw you over in the end. Always. It is definitely inevitable. Right now, there isn't anything going on with me to bring this up. But observations of friends and their present experiences make me feel this way. It always happens to the people that really don't deserve it, too. I think to myself, I'd rather it be me than them, but it also is me at the same time a lot of the time. But I don't know. It's freaking just another thing to think about...that I really don't want to think about.

Anyway, I suppose I'll be going, because I lead a dull, uninteresting life. Or so I think.
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Sunday, January 23rd, 2005

Time:9:36 pm.
Mood: exhausted.
Meant to do this a while ago...
Drunken Night #1Collapse )

Coctail Party!Collapse )

Random...Collapse )
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Time:8:51 pm.
Mood: exhausted.
This week was literally hell.

It sucked.

Last night was awesome though.

The roads suck. I almost died like 5 times today trying to get home. Which is why I'm going back to Delhi tomorrow instead. It kinda sucks that I have to be in the kitchen every day again, but not as much as last week because of classes. This coming weekend we're going to NYC to compete in the State Championships. People know how I feel about that.

I just wish that things would go back to the way they were. I miss it.

I'm so tired.
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Thursday, January 13th, 2005

Time:11:25 am.
Mood: depressed.
Do I really deserve everything that happens to me? I really didn't think that I was that bad of a person. Maybe I just missed something. But the things that have been happening to me within the last few days are the most degrading, disrespectful, insulting things that have ever happened to me. And I swear on everything, I didn't think that I deserved it in the least.

Or maybe I did.

Maybe I was just this horrible, nasty, waste of a life person that doesn't matter. Maybe I am just a punching bag. Am I just an easy target?

It's more of the fact that I don't mind as much if you insult me, but don't disrespect me.

I have a lot of great friends. And more and more I have been realizing how much they mean to me. People that sleep over somewhat because they know I'd be up all night crying. Or people that stay on the phone with me until 2 in the morning telling me that I'm not worthless. As much as it's hard to beleive right now.

I have hit rock bottom. And it's going to take an act of God, who has not particularly been listening to me...to get me to shake this.

I beleive that this is all happening for a reason. I don't know what the reason is yet. Life has a funny way of heling you out when you think everything's gone wrong, and eveything blows up in your face.

Just don't play with my feelings. I never did it to anyone else.

I didn't write this entry to show off. I didn't write it to recieve pity. That's really the last thing I want. It's a journal, no? I'm just writing how I feel.
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Wednesday, January 12th, 2005

Time:10:25 am.
Mood: apathetic.
Alright.

Went to Boston and won a professional high silver medal. That was kinda cool.

Every night, I can't help but cry before I go to sleep. I don't know why.

Actually, yes, I do know why.

Anyway.

I don't know.

I mean, I guess that I had a good time the last 2 days...but only cause I wasn't with my team or at home. But still, things are kinda weird. I'm not sure how I feel about everything. Maybe it's in my head. I just wish I could be reassured of some things.

So this entry made no sense.
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Tuesday, January 11th, 2005

Time:10:23 pm.
Mood: pissed off.
I want you to know, that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a theatre
Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, till you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her

Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, til you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

Cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
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Wednesday, January 5th, 2005

Time:10:06 pm.
Mood: distressed.
'They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops.'

It's kind of a comfusing time for me. I suppose it's just that people aren't what they really seem. Maybe I'm just expecting too much. I mean, things are cool now. I'm having an awesome time. I'm just living in a fantasy I think.

I don't want to fucking go back to Delhi tomorrow. Just pray for me please.
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Sunday, January 2nd, 2005

Time:2:36 pm.
Mood: giddy.
I LOVE MICHAEL JACKSON.

I AM WATCHING ONE OF HIS DVDS NOW.

AND HE IS THE MAN.

AND I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT TOMORROW SO IT'D BETTER NOT SNOOOOOO.

Ok. No more caps.
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Wednesday, December 29th, 2004

Time:12:29 am.
Mood: apathetic.
WELL THEN.

I suppose I should update sometime, no?

Yes.

Christmas was quite nice.

Some of the things I reciecved included:

A multitude of DVD's such as
Big Fish
Spiderman 2
Shrek 2
Pirates of the Carribean
The first 100 Strong Bad e-mails
2 Michael Jackson music video dvd's

2 Game Cube games
Mario Kart Double Dash
Super Smash Bros. Melee

A digital camera
A new watch
Trivial Persuit DVD version
Maroon 5 poster
Homestar Runner poster
Johnny Depp poster
Maroon 5 calendar (which I am quite excited about)
$125 to American Eagle
$100 to Old Navy
$100 cash
$25 to the mall
A bunch of other stuff I really don't remember right now.

Anyway. I don't really feel like writing too much right now.
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Saturday, December 18th, 2004

Time:11:34 am.
Mood: cheerful.
So like...

OMG To the Bee's Knees.

And to the kick, punch, jump, jump, thrust.

YAY

Lots of fun there.

Definitely have to do it again, because Arti is the captian of the carpet ship.

lol ok, I have to go now.

Oh, and ps...

WORST HAIRCUT EVER.
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Friday, December 10th, 2004

Time:12:38 pm.
Mood: anxious.
OMG I literally almost peed my pants thinking about coming home just now.

I am so excited, it's rediculaus. I just want to go home and stay there forever. Once Saturday at about 6 comes, I will be shitting myself. I AM SO HAPPY! I put a pic of my demented syblings and myself on my background and I realized how much I can't wait to go home. The Christmas tree is up, which I forgot about until now, and I NEED to go home. I'm going to start packing today. And bring almost all my stuff home Sunday. I'll be coming home on Wednesday, starting out around possibly 10ish, 10:30ish? I have an exam until like 9:30 but I promised Kelley I'd go to breakfast with her one last time. :(

OMG I CAN'T WAIT!

In the words of Melissa:

I just can't stop FARTING tonight!

YAY EVERYONE IM ME CAUSE I NEED LOVE CAUSE I'M GOING TO BURN MYSELF OUT WITHIN THESE NEXT 36 HOURS!!!

We'd better go to Mangia's on Sunday before the show. I am dying for the alfredo stuff.

OMG I HAVE TO GO HOME NOW
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Thursday, December 9th, 2004

Time:6:12 pm.
Mood: annoyed.
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1) Katie
2) Toy
3) Touhey

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1) kttwoe
2) moonstear42
3) falllingstar42

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1) My eyes
2) My neck
3) My boobs

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1) Not getting my priorities straight.
2) Getting in way over my head.
3) Not taking opportunites when I had the chance to.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1) Irish
2) Italian
3) German

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1) ET
2) Being alone
3) Death

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1) Music
2) Friends
3) Being clean

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1) Chef coat
2) Black pants
3) Berkinstock Clogs

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR ARTISTS:
1) John Mayer
2) Maroon 5
3) James Taylor

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1) "If I Fell" - Maroon 5
2) "Neon" - John Mayer
3) "Ironic" - Alanis Morrisette

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1) Dieting
2) Starting over
3) Being able to wake up at 5 and not be tired.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1) Fun
2) Deep late night convirsations
3) Huggles and cuddles!

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
[In no specific order]
1) I'm juggling way too much right now.
2) I can't wait to compete in states.
3) I'm looking for a clean slate.

THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1) Muscles.
2) Convirsations that don't include talking about my tits.
3) Eyes.

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1) Kill someone.
2) Have an attention span.
3) Draw.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1) Softball
2) Cooking
3) Bowling

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1) Go home
2) Drink.
3) Something having to do with the hot food team I can't mention cause there's spies everywhere.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1) Cooking
2) Drawing
3) Making money by doing nothing.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1) Disney World
2) The Bahamas
3) Ireland

THREE KIDS' NAMES:
1) I'm
2) Not
3) Sure

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1) Open a restaurant.
2) World peace, baby.
3) Be in a band.

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR DIE PAINFULLY:
1) I
2) agree
3) with Arti.
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Time:12:30 pm.
Mood: stressed.
Ok ok ok.

So everything is going like HELL here.

This whole hot food team business is off the wall. Take for an example the fact that I have to go in and weigh up , which means I have to get all the stuff for my salad dish together, three times over in about a half hour, then I have veg skill practice at 4, and I don't know when that gets out. Tomorrow, I have class at 8, then a full run through of practice starting at 5 PM. That will probably take about 5 hours. After that, I have to wake up at 5 AM for 1 veg skill practice and 2 run throughs of my dish. That will probably take til like 5.

I cannot wait until Sunday. I will be so happy when this week is over. I have finals next week, but I really don't care. I have no practice until the first competition we have, which sucks cause I'm still not clear as to what I'm doing, but is awesome cause I don't have to wake up at 5 AM. You know, I think that's the worst part of it. I don't quite understand why 5 AM practices are necessary. On a Saturday. What the hell.

So. Let's see. I have my meat cutting final on Monday at 3-5 and I get to use my notebook, Garde Manger is Wednesday at 7:30 AM, and I don't know when my nurtition final is. Hopefuly Monday or Tuesday cause then I can just go home on WEDNESDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY wootiewoot.

I don't know. I'm completely stressing. Too much going on.

Ugh. I have to go get my laundry.
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Monday, November 29th, 2004

Time:1:21 pm.
Mood: blank.
Aweseome vacation.

Don't want to go to practice tomorrow morning...got no sleep last night.

*sigh*

Anyway...

Isn't it weird how things go? It's just odd. You think things are ok and you're secure and such...and something happens for you to just lose hope in everything. It just always seems to happen to me. I have such issues now with trust and the like...I don't even want to look at another male. I know it's not worth it to even be thinking about it, but when something you've beleived for however long to be true finally isn't anymore, it's just one of those issues where you just want to stand in the shower and cry for a while. I know I'm being broad with my description, but I told everyone who needs to know what happened...and they all say that I'm better than that. Sometimes I don't think I am. It's just always stuck in my head I guess. There's never any kind of security or trust anymore. I'm sorry if I'm possibly lingering on the subject as people might think.

I made my mistakes, yes. But that was then and this is now. Then is not the issue. Unfortunately, now is. So learn to have your own problems, because now I'm not there to take care of you.

Anyway, on a lighter note...
      
milli vanilli is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator
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Saturday, November 27th, 2004

Time:11:36 am.
Mood: blank.
WELL THEN!

It's been an amusing break.

As Kathleen said, I had an over all cavity search on Wednesday when I went to the dentist and the gy-noes, and everything went all yay-like. So yes.

Thanksgiving went quite well. I ate muchly.

Jeff came over yesterday. And that went awesome.

Um...don't go see Christmas With the Kranks. We all went to see it last night and it basically sucked throughally. Except for some random humor.

Going to 80's night tonight at the Fuse Box with Arti, Kathmean and Smelliss0r. YAY! SO EXCITED! EVERYBODY GO!

Nothing much else to report on this end. Trying to get a hold of Arti-mouse. Hrm. CALL ME!

EVERYBODY!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, November 24th, 2004

Time:10:05 am.
Mood: nervous.
omghavetogotothegynoesverysoonandgetthegyneypokedthengetmymouthpokedatatthedentistsoonafterthenigotodolladollastoreandgoseemoviemakefromspongebobandthewhoandthewhatandthewhoa.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

LiveJournal for Kat.

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