Kat (falllingstar42) wrote,

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Do I really deserve everything that happens to me? I really didn't think that I was that bad of a person. Maybe I just missed something. But the things that have been happening to me within the last few days are the most degrading, disrespectful, insulting things that have ever happened to me. And I swear on everything, I didn't think that I deserved it in the least.

Or maybe I did.

Maybe I was just this horrible, nasty, waste of a life person that doesn't matter. Maybe I am just a punching bag. Am I just an easy target?

It's more of the fact that I don't mind as much if you insult me, but don't disrespect me.

I have a lot of great friends. And more and more I have been realizing how much they mean to me. People that sleep over somewhat because they know I'd be up all night crying. Or people that stay on the phone with me until 2 in the morning telling me that I'm not worthless. As much as it's hard to beleive right now.

I have hit rock bottom. And it's going to take an act of God, who has not particularly been listening to me...to get me to shake this.

I beleive that this is all happening for a reason. I don't know what the reason is yet. Life has a funny way of heling you out when you think everything's gone wrong, and eveything blows up in your face.

Just don't play with my feelings. I never did it to anyone else.

I didn't write this entry to show off. I didn't write it to recieve pity. That's really the last thing I want. It's a journal, no? I'm just writing how I feel.
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