I wrote an entire 2 pages in my Small Business Magagement class about shit that I couldn't say in here. And I was practically in tears by the time I was finished writing it. Fact is, I could have written more.
It's just...my life. And college. And growing up. And everything. It's just so much sometimes, you know? You finally get to college, after going through the younger years of your life watching these sitcoms about dorm life and what not, and you're finally experience it. And you realize, well, at least I realize, that it's exactly like that. There are awesome times, you meet your best friends, you party, you drink, you do shit you never thought you'd do. Then there's the part where people are assholes. There's backstabbers, there's broken hearts, there's regret. And a lot of my college life has consisted of all of those. Most recently of the last three. I never thought I'd be where I am now. I always thought that I would be at home for the rest of my life, living life as I always have with my family and friends that I've always have had my entire life. But now I'm here, and I have a family here. Of course, not to compare to my family at home, but my family here are my friends. We'd do anything for eachother and we're not afraid to admit it. We've been through everything in the short 2 years that we've lived together. And I know we're going to be friends after we leave. Leaving is the one thing I'm dreading.
I don't want to sounds like I'm trying to pity myself, but I know that my life right now is going a bit rough. And I didn't think that I did anything to deserve it. It's just the way that things and people work. It's usually against me. That's just the way it is. I can make people happy, I can bring peple together and make them happy together. But when's it my turn? I don't want too much. I'm sorry, I'm an attention whore. And I wish that my life could lead me to where I want to to lead me. But I usually don't get what I want. I can get everyone else what they want, but it can't go for me. I guess that's just the way it's supposed to be. I think I was cursed at love. Honestly. It's scary how nothing in the relationship department of my life goes anywhere even remotely close to right. You think you have something good and decent, but it just goes to show you just how naieve and stupid you are. Never expect anything good for yourself is what I've learned. Maybe that's my fault. Maybe I just have too big of an imagination. Or my mind makes up these unbeleiveable fantasies that I only wish would happen.
I wish I could just crawl up in my bed and just not wake up for a very long time some days.